Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I write because it makes me happy makes me feel free. Sure sombody on the other side of this is judging me but I don't care. The majority of the time I write when im upset or have a lot on my mind or if my day was so overwhelming with my thoughts that the only thing I have control over are my thoughts and my writing. and boy ! Do I have alot to say. This isnt my first time blogging when I last left off in my last blog I was a mess I didnt know what to doi didnt know where my life was going. I was confused depressed and going down this dark dark path and I just wasnt me anymore. I needed a way out but was but was I too far gone? I thought I was. To this day idk how I got out of it but I did and im gkad because I was afraid of where it was heading. I write alot about my feelings only because I find it hard to express myself in spoken wordswithout offending them. The first step in my road to recovery was to forget it all or at least try to forgive. I forgave that person along time ago personally for my sake now did I forget what the person did to ne hell no I dont think ill ever beable to justify it but hey u live & you learn did it destroy me yes it did it knocked me on my face and I myself had to oick me up and live my life. My second step was to keep myself busy I mean really busy so busy that I myself couldnt find a moment to think. I did just that. I got rid of my old job and got myself a new one and DROWNED myself in work. I mean I lived ate slept work. My work weeks were 40 hrs and when I wasnt working I dove into school and that my friends is how I kept busy. Not at all healthy but hey it helped alot and I got my feet back into some foundation. Next I started going to church it helped my inner peace kept me internally grounded plus I made a promise to god had he helped me through my struggle id go to church and I did. Next I bought a dog crazy yet it made total sense to me in my eyes having something or someone else depend in me made it so much easier for me to focus on something rather than my problems. So I got vinny. My loyal companion of two yrs now. Crazy how something so small helped in such a big way. The fact that I was on my way to recovery was the only thing on my mind my personal triumph and I would soon persevere.